The Complete Couples Therapy Workbook: Proven Exercises to Strengthen Your Relationship
The Complete Couples Therapy Workbook: Proven Exercises to Strengthen Your Relationship
Whether you’re navigating conflict, rebuilding trust after betrayal, or simply wanting to deepen your connection, this workbook provides actionable tools used in evidence-based couples counselling approaches like the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Attachment-Based Therapy. These aren’t generic relationship tips—these are clinical-grade interventions that couples therapists in Calgary use every day to help partners transform their relationships.
Why Couples Therapy Exercises Work: The Science Behind Connection
Before diving into the exercises, it’s essential to understand why structured relationship work is so effective. Dr. John Gottman’s research spanning over 40 years demonstrates that couples who regularly practice connection-building exercises show measurable improvements in relationship satisfaction, with 74% remaining together and reporting significant positive changes five years after therapy.
The key lies in neuroplasticity—your brain’s ability to form new patterns. When couples repeatedly practice healthy communication and emotional attunement, they literally rewire their neural pathways. What once triggered defensiveness or withdrawal can become an opportunity for deeper understanding and intimacy.
Understanding Your Relationship Foundation: The Attachment Assessment
Before implementing change, you need to understand your starting point. Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Sue Johnson in EFT, explains that our early relationships shape how we connect as adults. Most relationship conflicts aren’t about what you’re fighting about—they’re about underlying attachment needs for safety, security, and emotional responsiveness.
Exercise 1: Identifying Your Attachment Dance
The Attachment Cycle Exercise (20 minutes)
What You’ll Need: Two notebooks, comfortable seating facing each other, 20 uninterrupted minutes
- Individual Reflection (5 minutes each): Write down your typical response when feeling disconnected from your partner. Do you pursue (seek reassurance, ask questions, express emotions) or withdraw (shut down, go silent, leave the room)?
- Share Without Judgment (5 minutes): Take turns sharing your pattern. The listener’s only job is to understand, not defend or explain.
- Identify the Cycle (5 minutes together): Map your typical conflict pattern. Usually follows: Partner A feels disconnected → pursues → Partner B feels overwhelmed → withdraws → Partner A feels more disconnected → pursues harder → Partner B withdraws more.
- Name Your Underlying Fear (5 minutes): Beneath pursuit is usually fear of abandonment or not mattering. Beneath withdrawal is typically fear of failure, inadequacy, or being overwhelmed. Share these vulnerable truths with each other.
Understanding your attachment dance transforms blame into compassion. Instead of “You always shut down when I need you,” you begin to see “When I feel disconnected, I pursue for reassurance, which overwhelms you, so you withdraw to regulate, which makes me feel more alone.” This isn’t about who’s right—it’s about seeing the pattern you’re both trapped in.
Building Your Connection Account: Daily Intimacy Practices
Dr. Gottman’s research identifies successful couples as those who maintain a positive-to-negative interaction ratio of at least 5:1. Think of your relationship as a bank account—every positive interaction is a deposit, every negative interaction a withdrawal. These daily practices help you build reserves before conflicts inevitably arise.
Exercise 2: The Six-Second Kiss (Morning Connection Ritual)
Morning Connection Practice (2 minutes daily)
Research from couples therapists in Calgary shows that partners who engage in intentional physical connection each morning report 34% higher relationship satisfaction scores.
How to Practice:
- Set your alarm 5 minutes earlier than usual
- Before phones, before coffee, before rushing into the day—kiss your partner for at least 6 seconds (longer than the quick peck but before it becomes sexual)
- Make eye contact for 3 seconds before and after
- Say one thing you appreciate about them or one thing you’re looking forward to in your day
Why It Works: Six seconds is long enough to shift from transactional to intentional. It activates oxytocin release (the bonding hormone) and sets a positive tone for your day, reminding you both that you’re on the same team.
Exercise 3: The Stress-Reducing Conversation (Evening Ritual)
End-of-Day Check-In (20 minutes daily)
Couples counselling in Calgary frequently incorporates this Gottman Method exercise because it prevents the number one relationship killer: leading parallel lives while living in the same home.
The Structure:
- Partner A Shares (7 minutes): Talk about your day—not the relationship, not household logistics, just what happened in your world. Your partner listens with genuine curiosity, asking questions to understand, not to problem-solve.
- Partner B Shares (7 minutes): Same structure, roles reversed. Partner A now listens with full attention.
- Validation (6 minutes): Each partner reflects back what they heard and validates their partner’s experience: “It makes sense you’d feel frustrated about that deadline given how much you’ve invested in that project.”
Navigating Conflict: The Art of Productive Disagreement
Conflict isn’t the enemy of intimacy—it’s the opportunity for deeper understanding. Calgary couples therapists emphasize that avoiding conflict doesn’t create peace; it creates distance. The goal isn’t to eliminate disagreements but to handle them in ways that bring you closer rather than push you apart.
Exercise 4: The Gottman Aftermath of a Fight Conversation
Post-Conflict Repair Exercise (45 minutes)
This structured conversation, used extensively in couples counselling and marriage therapy in Calgary, helps partners process conflicts after they’ve both calmed down (at least 24 hours after the argument).
Round 1: Share Your Subjective Reality (15 minutes)
- Partner A shares their perspective on what happened, focusing on “I felt…” rather than “You made me…”
- Partner B listens and validates: “I hear that you felt abandoned when I…” (doesn’t mean you agree, just that you understand their reality)
- Switch roles
Round 2: Identify Triggers (15 minutes)
- Each partner shares if the conflict triggered old wounds: “When you criticized my parenting, it reminded me of growing up feeling like I could never do anything right.”
- This isn’t justification—it’s context. Understanding your partner’s triggers builds compassion.
Round 3: Take Responsibility (15 minutes)
- Each partner identifies their own contribution to the conflict escalation: “I take responsibility for raising my voice and calling you names. That wasn’t okay.”
- Discuss what each person needs during future conflicts: “When I’m overwhelmed, I need 20 minutes to calm down before continuing the conversation.”
Critical Understanding:
In this exercise, you’re not trying to determine who was “right.” You’re building a shared understanding of what happened and creating a plan to handle similar situations better next time. Successful couples don’t have fewer conflicts—they repair more effectively.
Exercise 5: The Dreams Within Conflict Exercise
Uncovering Hidden Meanings in Perpetual Problems (60 minutes)
According to Gottman research, 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual—they never fully resolve because they’re rooted in fundamental personality differences or life dreams. The goal isn’t resolution but understanding and compromise.
When to Use This: For conflicts you’ve had repeatedly (finances, parenting styles, household responsibilities, intimacy frequency, in-law relationships)
- Partner A Shares Their Dream (15 minutes): Explore what your position represents to you. If you want to save money aggressively, what’s the dream beneath that? Security? Freedom? Leaving a legacy? If you want to spend more on experiences, what’s that dream? Living fully? Creating memories? Not waiting until “someday”?
- Partner B Listens and Explores (15 minutes): Ask questions with genuine curiosity: “Tell me more about why that matters to you.” “What would it mean if that dream couldn’t happen?” Your job is to honor your partner’s dream, even if you don’t share it.
- Switch Roles (15 minutes each): Partner B shares their dream within the same conflict. Partner A listens with the same curiosity and respect.
- Find Temporary Compromise (15 minutes together): With both dreams on the table, brainstorm compromises that honor both dreams to some degree. The compromise might change over time—that’s okay. You’re not solving this forever; you’re finding what works right now.
Example: Conflict about frequency of sex might have dreams of “feeling desired and prioritized” versus “feeling safe and not pressured.” Understanding these dreams transforms the conflict from “You never want sex” to “How can we honor your need for safety while also honoring my need to feel desired?”
Rebuilding Trust: Exercises for Healing After Betrayal
Whether trust was broken through infidelity, financial betrayal, or repeated broken promises, rebuilding requires intentional work from both partners. The betrayed partner must learn to risk vulnerability again. The partner who broke trust must demonstrate consistent reliability over time. Calgary relationship therapists specializing in infidelity recovery emphasize that this process typically takes 18-24 months of dedicated work.
Exercise 6: The Transparency Practice (For Rebuilding After Betrayal)
Daily Trust-Building Check-Ins (10 minutes daily, 6-12 months minimum)
For the Partner Who Broke Trust:
- Provide unsolicited transparency about your day, whereabouts, and interactions
- Share phone/device access freely without defensiveness
- Answer questions patiently, understanding that your partner’s vigilance is a trauma response, not an attack
- Take responsibility for rebuilding: “I understand you need reassurance right now because I broke your trust. How can I help you feel safer today?”
For the Betrayed Partner:
- Notice and acknowledge positive changes: “I appreciate that you texted me throughout the day even though I didn’t ask. That helps me feel secure.”
- Work on managing hypervigilance with professional support (individual therapy alongside couples counselling)
- Communicate specific needs clearly: “When you’re going to be late, I need a text 30 minutes before your original arrival time.”
Deepening Intimacy: Exercises for Long-Term Connection
Emotional intimacy creates the foundation for physical intimacy. Many couples experiencing sexual disconnection discover the real issue isn’t physical—it’s emotional distance that’s accumulated over years of missing each other’s bids for connection.
Exercise 7: The 36 Questions That Lead to Love (Modern Adaptation)
Deep Conversation Prompts (60-90 minutes)
Originally designed by psychologist Arthur Aron to create closeness between strangers, these questions work powerfully for long-term couples who’ve stopped asking each other meaningful questions. Calgary couples counsellors adapt this exercise for partners who’ve been together for years.
Rules of Engagement:
- Choose 12 questions that resonate with where your relationship is right now
- Take turns asking and answering
- Maintain eye contact while your partner shares
- No phones, no distractions, no interruptions
- Respond with curiosity, not judgment
Sample Questions for Long-Term Couples:
- What do you think I don’t understand about you that you wish I did?
- What’s a dream you’ve let go of that you’re sad about?
- When do you feel most loved by me? When do you feel least loved?
- What’s something you’re afraid to tell me?
- How have I changed since we first met? How have you changed?
- What’s something you need from me that you’re not getting?
- What’s your biggest fear about our future together?
- What’s your biggest hope for our future together?
- When was the last time you felt really proud of us as a couple?
- What’s one way I could better support your dreams?
- What do you need more of from me? What do you need less of?
- What’s something you’ve forgiven me for that I might not realize?
Exercise 8: The Sensate Focus Exercise (For Sexual Reconnection)
Non-Demand Physical Intimacy Practice (Progressive, 4-6 weeks)
Developed by Masters and Johnson and used extensively in couples therapy and sex therapy in Calgary, this exercise removes performance pressure while rebuilding physical connection gradually.
Phase 1 (Week 1-2): Non-Genital Touch
- Take turns giving and receiving 20 minutes of non-sexual touch (back, shoulders, arms, legs, feet)
- The receiver’s only job: notice what feels good and communicate preferences
- The giver’s job: explore touching without any goal of arousal
- Sexual touch is off-limits during this phase
Phase 2 (Week 3-4): Include Genital Touch Without Goal of Orgasm
- Gradually include genital touch, but intercourse/orgasm remain off-limits
- Focus on sensation, curiosity, and communication
- Continue taking turns as giver/receiver
Phase 3 (Week 5-6): Progress to Mutual Touch and Intercourse
- Begin mutual touching
- Progress to intercourse when both partners feel ready, maintaining focus on sensation rather than performance
Why This Works: For couples stuck in performance anxiety or obligation patterns, removing the goal of sex paradoxically reduces anxiety and rebuilds genuine desire. Many Calgary couples report that after completing sensate focus, their sexual connection feels “like when we first started dating.”
Creating Your Weekly Relationship Maintenance Plan
The most common mistake couples make is treating their relationship like a car—ignoring it until it breaks down, then frantically trying to fix it. Successful long-term couples schedule preventive maintenance. Here’s how to implement these exercises sustainably:
Your Weekly Relationship Maintenance Schedule:
- Daily (5 minutes): Morning 6-second kiss + appreciation
- Daily (20 minutes): Evening stress-reducing conversation
- Weekly (60 minutes): One deep connection exercise (alternate between intimacy exercises, conflict processing, or dream discussions)
- Monthly (90 minutes): Relationship check-in: What’s working? What needs attention? What do we want more of? What do we want less of?
- Quarterly (Half day): Relationship retreat—revisit your shared dreams, discuss upcoming life transitions, plan future adventures
When to Transition from Self-Help to Professional Couples Therapy
These exercises are powerful tools, but they’re not substitutes for professional couples counselling when deeper issues exist. Calgary relationship therapists recommend seeking professional support if:
- You can’t complete these exercises without escalating into conflict
- One or both partners struggle with mental health issues (depression, anxiety, trauma) affecting the relationship
- There’s been infidelity, betrayal, or significant trust breaches
- You’re considering separation or divorce
- Patterns haven’t improved after 8-12 weeks of consistent practice
- There’s any form of abuse (emotional, verbal, physical) in the relationship
- Substance use or addiction is affecting your connection
- You’re dealing with major life stressors (infertility, illness, job loss, grief) impacting your relationship
Professional couples therapy provides structure, accountability, and expert guidance that self-help cannot replicate. A skilled couples therapist helps you see patterns you can’t see from inside the relationship, teaches skills specific to your unique dynamics, and provides a safe container for difficult conversations.
Ready for Professional Support?
If you’re in Calgary and ready to work with an experienced couples therapist who specializes in Gottman Method, EFT, and Attachment-Based Therapy, we offer a free 20-minute consultation to discuss your relationship goals and match you with the right therapist for your needs.
Evening and weekend appointments available | Downtown Calgary location | All relationship types welcome
Maintaining Progress: Making These Practices Stick
Starting these exercises is easy. Maintaining them through the chaos of real life is harder. Here are strategies Calgary couples therapists recommend for building lasting habits:
1. Schedule It Like a Non-Negotiable Appointment
Put relationship time in your calendar with alerts. Treat it with the same importance as a work meeting. Couples who “find time” rarely do. Couples who “make time” consistently succeed.
2. Start Smaller Than You Think Necessary
It’s better to do one 5-minute exercise daily with perfect consistency than to attempt 60-minute exercises you’ll abandon after two weeks. Build momentum with small wins before expanding.
3. Create Rituals and Anchors
Attach your relationship practices to existing routines. Morning coffee becomes morning kiss + appreciation. Evening TV time becomes evening check-in followed by TV. Anchoring new habits to established routines increases adherence by 64%.
4. Troubleshoot Obstacles Proactively
Discuss in advance: What will derail us? Work travel? Kids’ activities? Extended family obligations? Create backup plans: “When we can’t do our evening check-in in person, we’ll do it via video call after kids’ bedtime.”
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Notice and acknowledge progress: “We’ve done our morning ritual for seven days straight!” “We handled that disagreement so much better than we would have three weeks ago.” Positive reinforcement strengthens new patterns.
Final Thoughts: The Relationship You Want Requires the Work You’re Willing to Do
No relationship is perfect. Every long-term partnership faces periods of disconnection, conflict, and questioning. What separates couples who thrive from those who merely survive—or eventually separate—isn’t the absence of problems. It’s the willingness to show up for the relationship even when it’s hard, to prioritize connection even when you’re tired, and to choose each other repeatedly through all of life’s seasons.
These exercises aren’t magic. They won’t instantly transform a struggling relationship into a fairy tale. What they will do is give you tools to build something real—a partnership based on understanding, respect, emotional safety, and genuine intimacy. That’s actually better than a fairy tale because it’s sustainable through real life’s inevitable challenges.
“The goal isn’t to create a perfect relationship. The goal is to create a relationship where both partners feel safe enough to be imperfect together, to be seen and loved in their wholeness, and to keep choosing each other even when it would be easier not to.” — Calgary Couples Therapist
Your relationship is worth investing in. Whether you use these exercises on your own or bring them into couples therapy with a professional in Calgary, you’re making a choice that most couples never make—the choice to actively work on your partnership rather than passively hoping it improves. That choice alone significantly increases your chances of long-term success and satisfaction.
Start with one exercise. Practice it for two weeks. Notice what shifts. Then add another. Progress, not perfection. That’s the path forward.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Try the self-help exercises in this workbook consistently for 8-12 weeks. If you can complete them without escalating into conflict and notice measurable improvements (better communication, reduced conflict, increased intimacy), self-help may be sufficient for now. However, seek professional couples counselling in Calgary if: you can’t complete exercises without fighting, patterns aren’t improving despite consistent effort, there’s been betrayal or significant trust breaches, mental health issues or substance use are affecting the relationship, you’re considering separation, or there’s any form of abuse present.
Think of it this way: if you had chest pain, you wouldn’t only rely on internet advice. Similarly, relationship distress that’s severe, persistent, or involves trauma needs professional assessment and treatment. A 20-minute consultation with a couples therapist can help you determine what level of support you need.
Research shows that approximately 70% of couples who complete couples therapy report significant improvements in their relationship. The Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and other evidence-based approaches used by Calgary couples therapists have even higher success rates—around 72-74% of couples remain together and report clinically significant positive changes five years after therapy.
Timeline varies significantly based on issues being addressed. Couples working on communication and conflict resolution skills often notice improvements within 4-8 sessions. Those rebuilding trust after infidelity typically need 18-24 months of consistent work. Couples with complex trauma, mental health issues, or long-standing resentment may need 6-12 months of weekly or bi-weekly sessions.
Most Calgary couples therapists recommend starting with 8-12 sessions and reassessing progress. The key predictor of success isn’t the severity of your problems—it’s both partners’ commitment to the process and willingness to implement changes between sessions.
This is one of the most common concerns raised by people seeking couples counselling in Calgary. First, understand that reluctance doesn’t always mean refusal—often it stems from fear of being blamed, skepticism about therapy’s effectiveness, or believing that seeking help means the relationship has failed.
Strategies that work: 1) Frame therapy as wanting to be a better partner, not fixing them: “I want to learn how to support you better and understand you more deeply.” 2) Offer to start with individual therapy focused on relationship issues, then invite them to join for one session when your therapist suggests it. 3) Share this workbook or testimonials to reduce fears. 4) Propose a trial of just 3 sessions with no long-term commitment. 5) Address their specific concerns: “Our therapist won’t take sides or gang up on you. Their job is to help us both be heard and understood.”
If your partner absolutely refuses, individual therapy focused on relationship dynamics can still create change. Calgary relationship therapists often see that when one partner changes their steps in the relationship dance, the entire pattern shifts. Many resistant partners later request to join therapy after seeing positive changes.
Coverage depends on your specific insurance plan and the credentials of the therapist you see. In Calgary, most extended health insurance plans cover couples therapy when provided by Registered Psychologists or Registered Social Workers. Coverage for Canadian Certified Counsellors (CCC) varies by insurer.
Common Alberta insurers that often cover couples therapy include: Alberta Blue Cross, Canada Life, Greenshield Canada, Manulife, Sunlife, and Great-West Life. Coverage typically ranges from $500-$3000 per year for psychological services (which includes couples therapy, not just individual therapy).
Many Calgary couples therapists offer direct billing to major insurance companies, meaning you pay only your portion (if any) at each session rather than paying full price and waiting for reimbursement. Always verify your coverage before starting therapy by calling your insurer and asking specifically: “Does my plan cover couples therapy with a Registered Psychologist?” and “What’s my annual maximum and per-session coverage?”
If insurance doesn’t cover your preferred therapist, ask about sliding scale fees or payment plans. Some Calgary counselling centers offer reduced rates based on household income.
These terms are used interchangeably by most professionals and refer to the same service—psychotherapy focused on improving the relationship between partners. In Calgary, you’ll see all three terms used, but they describe the same process and approaches.
“Marriage counselling” is the traditional term but can feel exclusionary to unmarried couples. “Couples therapy” and “relationship counselling” are more inclusive and modern. All three involve the same evidence-based methods: Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Attachment-Based Therapy, and others.
What matters more than terminology is the therapist’s training, approach, and specialization. When searching for help in Calgary, focus on finding a therapist trained in evidence-based couples therapy methods, not on whether they call it “marriage counselling” or “couples therapy.” The work is the same regardless of label.
Yes, absolutely. Calgary couples therapists often work with partners in this stage, and outcomes vary based on what you’re hoping to achieve. Some couples enter “discernment counselling”—a short-term (1-5 sessions) therapy designed specifically to help you decide whether to stay and work on the relationship, separate, or maintain the status quo. This isn’t traditional couples therapy; it’s decision-focused counselling.
For couples unsure if they want to stay together, therapists offer “divorce avoidance counselling” that includes a longer assessment phase to explore each partner’s commitment level before diving into intensive relationship repair work. Research shows that about 30% of couples who begin therapy “considering divorce” ultimately decide to separate, but do so more amicably and with less damage to themselves and children. The other 70% either reconcile or discover they have more investment in the relationship than they realized.
Even if you ultimately separate, couples therapy can help you: end the relationship respectfully, co-parent effectively post-separation, process grief and closure, divide assets with less conflict, and avoid repeating the same patterns in future relationships. Separation doesn’t mean therapy “failed”—sometimes conscious uncoupling is the healthiest outcome, and therapy facilitates that process.
That said, if one partner is 100% decided on divorce and unwilling to invest in repair, couples therapy isn’t appropriate. In that case, individual therapy for each person and potentially mediation for logistics is the better path.
While approaches vary by therapist and methodology, here’s what most Calgary couples therapy sessions include:
First Session (60-90 minutes): The therapist meets with both partners together to understand your relationship history, current challenges, goals for therapy, and individual backgrounds. Some therapists schedule brief individual sessions (15-20 minutes each) in the first or second appointment to understand each partner’s perspective privately. You’ll discuss confidentiality, session frequency, and create a treatment plan together.
Subsequent Sessions (50-60 minutes): Typically begin with a brief check-in about your week and any progress or challenges with exercises from the previous session. The therapist guides conversations about identified issues using structured interventions from their training (Gottman Method, EFT, etc.). You’ll learn and practice communication skills, work through conflicts with the therapist’s guidance, identify patterns in your relationship dynamics, and receive homework exercises to practice between sessions.
Session Structure: Good couples therapists actively manage the conversation—stopping unproductive patterns, ensuring both partners are heard, teaching skills in real-time, and helping you have conversations you can’t have productively at home. They won’t let you attack each other or fall into destructive patterns. You’re not just venting at your therapist; you’re learning new ways to relate to each other.
Frequency: Most Calgary couples start with weekly sessions for the first 4-8 weeks while building momentum, then transition to bi-weekly as skills improve. Crisis situations might require twice-weekly initially. Maintenance phase might be monthly check-ins.
Calgary couples therapy rates vary by therapist credentials and experience:
Canadian Certified Counsellors (CCC): $150-$200 per session
Registered Provisional Psychologists: $180-$220 per session
Registered Psychologists: $200-$250 per session
Specialized Couples Therapists (Level 2 Gottman, etc.): $220-$300 per session
Sessions are typically 50-60 minutes, though some therapists offer extended 90-minute sessions for couples therapy at proportionally higher rates. Initial intake sessions are sometimes longer (90 minutes) and may cost more.
Marathon or intensive couples therapy (half-day or full-day sessions) ranges from $800-$2000 depending on length and therapist. These intensive formats are increasingly popular for couples with limited time or those in crisis.
Many Calgary therapists offer package rates (e.g., 6 sessions at a reduced per-session cost), sliding scale fees based on income, or payment plans. Always ask about options if cost is a barrier. Some community agencies in Calgary offer free or low-cost couples counselling with supervised therapists-in-training.
Investment perspective: The average cost to legally separate or divorce in Alberta is $10,000-$25,000 (mediation) or $50,000-$100,000+ (litigation). Most couples spend $2,000-$5,000 total on therapy (10-25 sessions). Even if therapy doesn’t save the relationship, it’s typically far less expensive and emotionally costly than an adversarial divorce.
Calgary couples therapists typically specialize in one or more evidence-based approaches. Here are the main differences:
Gottman Method: Research-based approach developed over 40 years studying what makes relationships succeed or fail. Focuses on building friendship, managing conflict constructively, creating shared meaning, and maintaining positive sentiment. Very structured and skills-focused. Best for couples who want practical tools and exercises. Includes assessments to identify specific strengths and growth areas. Success rate around 70-75%.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Based on attachment theory and the science of emotions. Focuses on identifying negative interaction cycles, accessing underlying attachment needs and fears, and creating new patterns of emotional responsiveness. More emotion-focused than skills-focused. Best for couples with attachment wounds, trust issues, or emotional disconnection. Success rate around 70-75%.
Attachment-Based Therapy: Similar to EFT but emphasizes understanding how early childhood relationships shape adult romantic patterns. Helps partners recognize their attachment style (secure, anxious, avoidant) and work with rather than against their natural tendencies.
Imago Therapy: Focuses on understanding how childhood wounds attract us to partners who can both hurt us in familiar ways and heal us. Uses structured dialogue exercises. Less research support than Gottman or EFT but many couples find the approach deeply meaningful.
Solution-Focused Therapy: Brief therapy focusing on solutions rather than problems. Helps couples identify what’s already working and do more of it. Good for motivated couples with specific, concrete issues.
Most Calgary couples therapists integrate multiple approaches based on your needs. Ask potential therapists about their primary methodology and why they think it’s a good fit for your specific situation.
Absolutely. The core principles of healthy relationships—emotional safety, effective communication, trust, intimacy, conflict resolution—are the same regardless of relationship structure or sexual orientation. What changes is the therapist’s understanding of unique challenges and cultural competency.
When seeking couples counselling in Calgary for LGBTQ+ relationships, look for therapists who explicitly state they’re LGBTQ+ affirming and have training or experience with queer relationships. Important considerations include: navigating coming out processes, dealing with minority stress and discrimination, family of origin issues unique to LGBTQ+ individuals, and understanding relationship dynamics that may differ from heteronormative patterns.
For polyamorous or consensually non-monogamous relationships, seek therapists who explicitly welcome non-traditional relationship structures. Therapy might include all partners in some sessions or work with different dyads separately. Key issues often involve: establishing agreements and boundaries, managing jealousy or insecurity, time management and equity, communication across multiple relationships, and handling transitions (new partners, relationship endings).
For other non-traditional structures (long-distance relationships, asexual partnerships, age-gap relationships, etc.), the same principle applies: find a therapist who views your relationship structure as valid rather than something to be “fixed.” Calgary has increasingly diverse and inclusive therapists who work effectively with all relationship configurations.
Red flags: Therapists who suggest your relationship structure is the problem, who pressure you toward monogamy or specific relationship formats, or who lack understanding of your specific experience. Green flags: Therapists who ask about your relationship agreements and honor them, who use inclusive language, who understand the specific stressors your relationship type faces.
Take the First Step Toward the Relationship You Want
If you’re ready for personalized support, schedule a free consultation with one of our experienced Calgary couples therapists.
Downtown Calgary Location: 1414 8 St SW Suite 200
Call or Text: 403-243-0303
Evening & Weekend Appointments Available
All Relationship Types Welcome | Insurance Direct Billing Available
About the Author: This workbook was developed by Calgary couples therapists specializing in Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Attachment-Based Therapy. Our team includes Registered Psychologists, Provisional Psychologists, and Canadian Certified Counsellors with specialized training in relationship therapy.
Disclaimer: This workbook provides educational information and relationship exercises but is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing relationship distress, mental health concerns, or crisis, please seek professional support from a licensed therapist or counselor in Calgary.
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