Helping Students Navigate the Expectations of Grade 12

Ah, another September, another group of teenagers being presented with the question, “Aren’t you excited for graduation?!” Grade 12 students very quickly become bombarded with a slew of questions and comments that imply they are supposed to be super-de-duper excited and have their whole entire life figured out:

  • You must be looking forward to graduating!
  • What are you wearing for prom/grad?
  • What universities are you applying to?
  • What do you want to study?
  • What are you doing after graduation?
  • Where do you plan to work?
  • Your parents must be so proud of you!
  • You’re too smart to take a gap year!

Although folks have good intentions by these comments and questions, these kinds of interactions tend to have a negative effect on teens. Being spoken to this way can suggest to them that there is one appropriate or “right” way to feel about graduating and that they MUST have everything figured out right away. Additionally, they may feel that if they don’t have their next steps clearly mapped out, they’re a failure and something is wrong with them.

Now, you might be thinking, “Wow Jessica, that sounds pretty extreme”. And you’re right, it does, but think about it: if almost every day someone is either asking you a question about graduation/post graduation or making a comment about being thrilled to take on life after high school but you aren’t excited and you don’t have it figured out, eventually you may feel like a failure.

Grade 12 is really, really hard and I think many of us adults forget that. Sure, there can be a lot of good and exciting moments, but it isn’t always rainbows and sunshine. If the graduating student in your life isn’t given the chance to feel and express that they don’t feel okay about the end of high school, they may think that the right thing to do is pretend that they are excited, even if this doesn’t feel right to them. This can lead to them feeling alone and uncertain and robs them of the opportunity to ask the adults in their life for the support they actually want and need.

Let’s take a look at my own Grade 12 experience to further paint the picture.


In my best Sophia from the Golden Girls voice: “Picture it, rural Nova Scotia, early 2010s…”

I was the “good student” – the girl who completed her work on time (usually early), was polite to teachers, was on several committees, and consistently received grades in the 90%+ range. I balanced school, extra curricular activities, working part-time, and being a competitive athlete. Everything looked picture perfect, but I desperately didn’t want to be at school in grade 12. If I was at school, that meant it was closer to graduation, and if it was closer to graduation, that meant being closer to having no identity. I recognize that this may sound dramatic to adults, but it was a real fear of mine. I was SO scared I was going to do things wrong once I graduated. I knew how to be a good high school student and how to be a good athlete… but other than that, I didn’t feel like I had any other identities. I feared that when I went to university, I wouldn’t be able to do it and that I would then be a failure. I felt a lot of pressure being the good/smart kid, and felt that I had to maintain that image. If I didn’t, I wasn’t certain that I would still be loved and accepted.

In spite of these overwhelming thoughts and feelings, I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about this – even the school counsellors thought I was “wasting my potential” by pursing an arts degree instead of a science degree. Everyone around me was telling me how excited I should be, but all I felt was fear and anxiety. I felt there was something wrong with me and that I was already failing being a grade 12 student. How in the world would I be able to be a successful university student who lived up to my potential? Yes, I eventually figured it out, over time, but while I was finishing high school, I wasn’t confident that I would be able to navigate what was coming.

Having a place where I could have felt it was okay to express my fear and anxiety without being judged for it likely would have made a significant difference for me.

By now you’re probably appreciating what might feel big and scary for the soon-to-be graduate in your life and also wondering, “But what are we supposed to do?” Great question!

Here are some practical ways you can support the Grade 12 student(s) in your life.


👂Listen to your grad (groundbreaking stuff here, I know) – but really, just listen. Don’t try to fix it for them. They likely don’t even want you to fix it, they simply need a place where they can voice everything and know that you will be there to hold space for their emotions and provide comfort.

❓Ask them what would feel supportive to them throughout their grade 12 year. Maybe they’d like you to come with them on university tours, or drive around with them to look at places to work, or give them time to themselves. Maybe what they really need is an extra long hug.

😐Grade 12 can be stressful, and grads may need some extra care from you. That might look like cooking their favorite meal, booking a local adventure for them and their friend(s), bringing them for a massage, having dedicated check-in times to see how you can support them, etc.

🗺Keep in mind that the graduate in your life may have a different journey than the one you took or the one you have thought of for them. Of course you want what is going to serve them best, but there are a lot of different options for them to explore and allowing them to do that will help them create the life they want to live.

🤝Trust them. They will make some mistakes, or make choices you wouldn’t have made for yourself, but give them the space to try things out, grow and learn, and change course when they misstep. They need the opportunity to begin trusting their own intuition and taking responsibility for their own decisions.

Finding your role in supporting the grade 12 student in your life can be challenging. I’m not suggesting you never ask if they’re excited about graduation or invite them to share what their post-high school plans are. I’m simply suggesting you keep in mind that this year may be really hard for them and they may not be as excited as you expect them to be. They may need some grace and support to move through this year and you can provide that by ensuring they feel seen, heard, respected, and trusted.

And if you and/or the Grade 12 student in your life would like some additional guidance in navigating their senior year, I would be honoured to support them in unravelling their path: Learn more and book a free consultation with me.

The post Helping Students Navigate the Expectations of Grade 12 appeared first on Curio Counselling.



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